Random Thoughts..

My head's a mess these days. So many thoughts skittering all over the place. I've been having some reflective time these few weeks - and thought of so many things. If only I'd written them down or something, organised them. Ah wells..

Feeling like my friends are all distancing themselves away slowly and steadily. Gut feeling? Instinct? I don't know.. sigh.. it's a terrible feeling. But even worse is the nagging suspicion, the fear I'm right, the guilt that I'm thinking about such things, and ... a feeling that I haven't done enough. I don't know anymore. Wash, rinse and repeat. I guess the little things really get to people.

Got back two tests this week. Will be getting back another tomorrow, and taking another as well. Sigh. The last 2 were much better than I'd expected. Unbelievable. Perhaps there's a god somewhere out there. I know I've worked harder than I ever had in my near 20 years of study. I'm no altruist... if I actually get my lazy ass down to work for something.. I'd surely hope I get SOMETHING in return. Nothing big, but .. something. But the aftermath of the test never left me with any shred of confidence. Guess it's a relief I did okay. Marred badly by the fact that some friends didn't do so well, despite their hard work. Sigh.. probably much harder work than I did too. Those workaholics... Sigh.. and it must be a terrible blow. And it hurts me to see that happen to. Guess that hasn't happened much for me.. as I'm usually the one at the other end. Sigh. It's not easy being at either en.

Gotta garner courage to pop the question. Sigh. Wish me luck.. I hope.

In other news, lost my phone. Depressing. Guess that just strengthens the bad impression my parents have of me yet again. Sigh... yet another relationship deteriorating and I don't know how to fix it again. Gods. I hate my wimpy self.

An afterthought?

Curse my overactive imagination..

if only that it's so often proven right..

but only in the cases of the 'bad things'..

Murphy's Law? Or ... ?

George... why did you ever have that discussion with me about the lies.. damn.. come to think of it, maybe i prefer to live in the dark.. ignorance is bliss and all.. argh.

Feeling terrible.. like an afterthought... Ever felt like that? Like no one cared?

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On a happier note,
check out the traffic light bros! =)

Ouch!

Strikes a little too close to home ...

Hurt..

Woah.. been waay too long since I last wrote.

It's been a long, tiring semester..

The stress is getting to everyone, depression setting in, tempers snapping. Sad, but true.

Sometimes its just so hard to reign in one's temper. To keep it bottled inside. To restrain yourself from saying something you regret in a fit of anger.

Lies & deception. Truth & illusion. Sometimes everything all seems like a facade to me now.. everything and everyone's unclear.. Seriously don't know what to believe, what to do now. Perhaps what George said is right. Better off knowing the truth at the start, knowing someone lied to you; than the sad alternative of being kept in the dark. No matter how much it hurts.

Also wanna take this opportunity to apologise to any feet I've stepped on in this course of work - I make no excuses. It's been a draining semester - and we all want to do well. We all want to do our best - and it's only because I feel strongly about something that I argue about it. Still, been doing some self-reflection, and I should be more open to ideas. Will try my best to do so in this environment!

Enough of jumbled thoughts and ramblings... mid-way through hellweek. PMSB presentation here I come!


Major Gripe #1: Weekend Tests on Sat AND Sun which TOTALLY ruins the weekends. Le sigh!